Now when I noted John was called Johann by his friends, I did this on purpose, because as I was getting more clearheaded again and really got to know him, I found John/Johann had two different and very distinct persona’s in ways he dealt with people. Where John was a very polite businessman, whose business just happened to be drugs, and business was good, kept his opinions to himself and politely agreed with whomever he dealt with and drank moderately, Johann was much more impulsive and aggressive, drank heavily, and was a true Neo-Nazi, believing he was part of a group superior to all others, and that the death of Hitler by American Jews was the worst thing that had happened since the conception as a nation. Johann didn’t deny the holocaust, he was proud of the fight to purify the blood and getting rid of undesirables. I first assumed Johann only came out to play when John was drinking, but quite quickly I found this wasn’t the case; the personalities switched, sometimes even without warning, but both seemed aimed towards mutual benefit. John/Johann often struggled with himself and sometimes when we went on walks, he would softly mutter to himself, like he was talking things through.
In consequence, sex was very different with both persona’s as well. Where Johann was demanding and basically only interested in his own gratification, John was attentive and much more giving. This was tricky at first, but I learned that by invoking the right name at the right time, the balance could be kept, as foreplay was completely John’s forte, while when I was so wound up I thought I would burst, the rough pounding of Johann was just what I needed, after which John took care of me to reach the deepest orgasms I have ever had. I found a certain power in that control over him, control he seemed quite willing to give if only I didn’t interfere with his drug deals or rally’s by calling him the wrong name. I did that just once, and after the beating I got from Johann because of it, I never made that mistake again. Where I was told to stay out of the way at rally’s and pour shots for the men ‘like an obedient little woman should’, his exact words, John involved me in his business as he quickly noted that having me there was a positive thing, both a distraction when I flaunted myself a little and acted like a stupid little ditz, and as a partner in crime, an extra set of eyes to keep track of the money and drugs, and in the end as a handler and dealer.
John got me a fake Polish ID that showed I was 19, and took me to underground parties that were wild, wilder then I had ever seen hanging around Philippe. These were massive raves/orgies/S&M dungeon/drugfests in which everything was allowed as long as you obeyed the rule not to touch what didn’t belong to you. It wasn’t much of a rule, and it wasn’t always kept, or even enforced, which for my safety’s sake John bought be solid stainless steel collar and matching cuffs, each one with a padlock to which he held the key, but were never attached to the heavy chain they had come with. It indicated that I was his property, and though it felt awkward and clumsy to wear at first, I quickly found that having a massive metal brace around your wrist came in quite handy when someone became too handsy. I never got beaten for it, as everyone around was quick to intervene in such cases, and when someone would go complain to John with a bloody nose, or once two broken fingers, he would just shrug and tell the guy to piss off and not touch what didn’t belong to him.
Wearing that collar, first the first time in my life I felt truly safe, knowing that someone had my back no matter what, and if there were consequences to my actions that they would be dealt with in a decent, appropriate manner. Johann never punished me for anything I did when I had been wearing that collar, and I never uttered a complaint to anything that John/Johann did to me while wearing it, and sometimes, when I woke up n the dead of night in fright of a nightmare, I would reach under my pillow just to touch it. Just knowing it was there was safety in the midst of insanity.
Angela Bannett 