I just did a very weird thing. I replied to someone who is a survivor like me, and is struggling through shit, like me. Normally I’d butt out of the personal life or others, but she had a question and I found I just had to react, but as I wrote it, I found I was writing from myself, my inner me, my me who has gone through shit and seen stuff. And when I was done, my words looked back at me from the screen and basically said to me: ‘Well? What are you going to do about it?’ And I looked at the words, and said ‘I am!’
Here is part of my reply, the piece that ‘looked at me’, as I am leaving all personal stuff she wrote out of this.
I hope it will help someone out there, reading this.
You have been through shit, I get that. But you cannot change the past. Do you want to know what you CAN do? Be happy. Be happy you are alive, deal with your current problems, talk to a professional if you want to to tell you story, and move on.
Yes, the ‘move on’ will trigger the fuck out of some people who believe in victimhood, but I don’t. I believe in surviving, and personal empowerment, to stand up again, scream against the storm, and taking control of your life, to look to the future instead of the past. Things were shitty, now they are less shitty, so take a shovel and shovel away the last of the shit, and find whatever makes you happy, mirrors or not, asexual or not, partner or not. Happiness is not some vague thing that just happens to you, you have power to become happy by going out and doing things that make you happy. And if you find that the things that should make you happy don’t make you happy anymore, then maybe it is time to talk to that professional and get anti-depressives to get happy again.
IF (and I stress if as I don’t know the truth, and from your words it seems neither do you) your ex really was a bastard who raped you, then the only way you can get back at him is to live the best life you can and be happy, because he didn’t care enough about you to make sure you were happy. Leave him behind you, and live.